Be Beautiful
Article by Hope Alexander
November 04 2007. Article viewed 35037 times.
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You might be feeling a tad lackluster, up for a bit of a change. It´s understandable, you are looking a bit tired and washed out. More than likely nature hasn´t been kind to you, and you are weighed down with the great burden of imperfection. You may have excess fat over your ribs, or perhaps your ankles aren´t as svelte as they could be. People are watching you know, watching and taking notice. You´ll never really feel truly happy until you´re entirely beautiful. That´s why celebrities lead such nice happy lives.
If you want to experience the kind of life that beautiful people enjoy, you´re going to need to take action. Preferably drastic action so that people notice. They say beauty is skin deep, in the eye of the beholder, and comes from within. This means that you have to tackle becoming more beautiful from three different aspects.
First of all, you must attend to your outer beauty. Is your nose too big, are your eyes too small? Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? All of these physical deformities can get in the way of being truly beautiful. And yes, they are deformities. Evolution teaches us survival of the prettiest, so if you look in the mirror and realize that you are not as pretty as you could be, it´s obvious that you have been the victim of some hideous mutation, and must therefore take steps to correct nature´s mistake.
Many people turn to cosmetic surgery to fix these issues. Bless those Plastic Surgeons, they are making the world a much more pleasant place to be in. Remember that your surgeon will be able to point out any problem areas that you didn´t even realize you had. You could go in for a brow lift and come out with a tummy tuck and an ass implant. You´ll be a much better person for it. Perkiness is next to godliness, after all.
If you can´t afford plastic surgery, try simply wrapping yourself in bandages. Nose bandages are a common sight in many work places these days, and people will know that you´ve had ´the surgery´. That´s likely to win their respect and make them view you in a more beautiful light just for starters. People who are willing to realize their utter ugliness and put themselves through hideous pain and the possibility of death to please others are highly valued in our society. If you´re a woman, you might find men ask you out more, just because of the bandages. Men like women who are eager to please, they make great wives, and never complain if they disappear for weeks on end. There is also the chance that he might think you´re okay with him having an affair. If he does stray, it´s probably your fault anyway for not looking pleasing enough, or being beautiful enough. But that´s another article altogether.
If you´re not prepared to go the surgery or bandages route, I do wonder if you´re taking being beautiful seriously at all. However, if you insist on working with the natural features that were scrambled randomly in the gene pool and smeared about your face, then do yourself a favor and learn how to use make up. Make up can hide many of your natural features altogether, thus giving the illusion of perfection.
Luckily in todays world style is substance, so if you look the part people may assume that you are perhaps some sort of angelic being. Make sure that you do wear plenty of make up too, if any of your natural skin is showing through, you´ve made a mistake. Remember that you´re creating a mask to hide behind. Many tribal cultures do the same sort of thing, and can millions of natives be wrong? Of course not. So get some nice bright colors onto that mug of yours and at least give everyone something interesting to look at.
That pretty much covers it for the outside. What you have to deal with next is convincing others that you´re beautiful. You have to work the beholders.
This is where you have to learn to be ´nice´. Too many women think that being beautiful is about being bitchy, and that´s where they get it wrong. Sure you can play the bitch angle for a while, but eventually you just end up copulating with the pool boy and being scorned generally. The only real way to get away with the bitch angle is to have money also.
Lets assume that you don´t have money, and that you want people to like you. Being nice means not saying anything mean to anyone, ever. If someone steals your cab when its pouring down with rain at 2 am and the wind is blowing straight from the north pole, just flick your hair back and smile. People will be impressed with how together you are, and will admire your beauty as they drive past.
An important part of working the beholder angle is to let yourself be seen often. Try getting changed with the curtains open, or showering without closing the bathroom door. There are many kinds of skirts which have a habit of falling open that you could wear, or perhaps a blouse with dodgy buttons. The point is to get noticed. Your desperate attempts for attention will cause others to be drawn to you. Many of them will want to have sex with you. Of course you should comply. The more people you have sex with, especially if you´re a woman, the more desirable you are. Some people might call you nasty things like “Whore” or “ HIV Positive”. Don´t listen to them, you keep right on fornicating. The more people that sleep with you, the more people there are to appreciate your beauty. If sleeping with one person at a time isn´t enough, try gang bangs, or perhaps working in the porn industry. Doing porn means that you will be seen by millions, all of whom will be enjoying your beautiful body. Isn´t that nice.
That done with, we are left with possibly the most difficult aspect of being beautiful, and thats working on the inside. Being a nice person goes some way to working on the inside, but really what we´re talking about here are the beliefs that make you beautiful or ugly. If you´ve had plastic surgery, covered your face in cosmetics, and slept with many many people and you still don´t think you´re beautiful, try changing religion.
Scientology seems to be a popular belief system amongst the beautiful, or perhaps you can get in on the
´red string thing´ aka Kabalah. It really doesn´t matter which one you choose, as long as a lot of other beautiful people are doing it also. The lemming effect can be put to good use both in cliff jumping and spirituality, so don´t be afraid to mindlessly follow the latest trends. After all, part of being beautiful is being current.
Good luck, wannabe beautiful people. There is plenty out there to help you on your way to superficial success. You just have to go out there and slavishly do whatever the experts tell you. That means reading the beauty magazines, eating the celery and cucumber diet, exercising until you drop, and of course, following the crowd.
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