How to make your
girlfriend a porn star
Article by Hope Alexander
June 20 2007. Article viewed 26580 times.
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Lets face it, after you´ve watched enough porn, normal women start to look, well, a little TOO normal. What happened to the luscious lips, the long legs, the mammoth capacity for over sized penile shaped objects? Women just aren´t looking after themselves well enough these days.
You´re going to have to take matters into your own hands. Send her out to earn some money, and then use it to get the following procedures done:
Breasts – You´re going to have to get her a boob job. It doesn´t matter if she already has nice natural breasts, they´re not going to behave in the same way that surgically enhanced breasts do. Surgically enhanced breasts posses a certain static quality, no matter what you do to her, they will remain perky with a slight jello-ey look to them, they basically jiggle no matter what she´s doing. It´s nice, and kind of hypnotic, therefore relaxing and good for you both.
Lips/Face – Botox is pretty much a must have. Without botox her lips won´t seem as pleasantly swollen when she is engaging in oral sex with you. She will also be unable to make facial expressions, which means that you won´t be bothered with her moods, she´ll always look like a pretty little sex doll, whether she´s totally in the mood, or someone just ran over her kitten.
Gag Reflex – No porn star has any business having a gag reflex. This must be trained out of her a la Linda Lovelace.
Anal Bleaching – Oh yeah, bleach that chocolate starfish. There is no reason why her ass should be any more natural than the rest of her body. Having a nice pretty anus is essential to looking, and feeling like a porn star. Imagine how pleased she´ll be, and I bet it is totally worth that weird burning sensation.
After all of this work, she´s probably going to be a little stiff, and a little sore. She may appear a little “less real” than she once did, but this is definitely a good thing, after all, she is becoming your fantasy girl right?
If this is all sounding a little Porn Star Stepford-ish to you, then you´re thinking along the right lines. The movie would have been much improved if there had been an orgy scene in there somewhere, you know you were thinking it. If you don´t know what movie I am speaking of, then shame on you.
There is really only one problem with this plan, and that is finding a woman who will agree to all this. You may find that many object to the idea, and it is probably worthwhile investing in some kind of protection for your genitalia, as you may find that women try to kick, stab, or remove them. It may turn out to be easier just to get a blow up doll, and like the kiddies programs tell you “use your imagination” to pretend that you have a girlfriend who treats you like a porn star would.
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