This week in Hollywood
Article by Hope Alexander
July 30 2007. Article viewed 5898 times.
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It was a massive week in Hollywood, largely dominated by Lindsay Lohan, who managed to get global news attention by demonstrating an almost infinite ability not to learn from anything. Still, Hollywood isn´t about learning things, is it? It´s about sex tapes, being hot, showing off your T&A, and getting to grips with the business of being sexy. In the spirit of T&A we do have a nipple slip for you, and a little sex tape news, so don´t fear that this is all going to be about the drunken exploits of one little hollybrat.
The news story that broke across the world was Lindsay´s arrest for yet another DUI. This dramatic arrest occurred after an exciting car chase through LA, where Lindsay hunted down her assistant who had just quit. High speed chases, sex, alcohol, and cocaine, that´s our Lindsay alright.
Yeah, Lindsay is pretty well screwed, and so is Promises rehab facility. They´ve consistently failed to help either of the high profile celebrities that they´ve hosted lately, and given stories which suggest Lindsay was high and drunk the whole damn time she was there.
Later on, after being confined to yet another rehab facility, Lindsay spoke out saying that she was innocent. Not only had she not been driving, but the cocaine they found in her pants at the police station, why, that wasn´t hers, because she wasn´t wearing her pants!
In a story that should have been shocking, but totally wasn´t for some reason, Nicole Richie was sentenced to five days in prison, which she can serve in the penal institution of her choosing at any time she picks before sometime in September. This has to be the most low key prison sentence ever, and nobody cares. So I´ll stop writing about that now.
In more pleasant news stories, Claire Danes´ turned up to an MTV appearance wearing a very low cut loose top, and no bra. Of course she bent over and her entire breast and nipple were exposed to the world. In case you were wondering, but don´t want to look at the pics, she has tiny breasts.
In other sexy news, it turns out that there may be two Kate Moss sex tapes about to make their way onto the market. That´s right, Kate was stupid enough to leave two sex tapes that her and Pete Doherty made together in Pete´s possession. Apparently Pete isn´t that good at respecting personal privacy, or being a decent person, so it´s likely that these will be sold about as soon as he runs out of coke.
And in the mandatory Paris news, it turns out that her singing career just won´t die. Akon is threatening to do an album with her now that she´s a “convict”. In my mind I was thinking now Paris Hilton is an official convict, I think I´m gonna get with her and put a record out.´ said Akon.
That´s it for this week. Let´s just hope Akon is trying to get into Paris´ pants and doesn´t actually put out a record, because that could actually cause the globe to hit critical lame mass and we could all explode in a shower of screechy lyrics, and nobody wants that
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