This Week In Hollywood
Article by Hope Alexander
August 20 2007. Article viewed 21399 times.
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Another great week in Hollywood was headed up by the junkies. Oh how exciting! Nothing gets me going in the morning like news about the latest dangerously thin crack head who tried to kill themselves, and I bet you´re the same.
The junkie of the week, Amy Winehouse stole headlines by having an overdose which was caused by the consumption of vodka, ecstasy, heroin, and ketamine (known to the layman as ´horse tranquilizer´). She collapsed at the hospital, had to have her stomach pumped, and went into seizures, which always sounds like fun.
After this terrifying ordeal Amy decided that the best course of action was checking into a hotel and doing some more drugs (heroin) before actually checking into rehab, then popping out for a quick brain scan before hitting a few bars with her husband, a bounder and a cad (I´ve always wanted to describe someone modern like that) who has the dubious distinction of wanting to be like Pete Doherty.
Kim Kardashian showed of her ass in some teeny panties, which is an activity she should be very much commended for. When there´s so much suffering in the world, it´s nice to have a sweet lady around like her, one who is not afraid, or too shy to share her assets.
Mary Kate Olsen tried to kick start her flagging acting career by making out with old men, and when I say old, I mean really old, like 63 years old. It´s totally gross because everyone knows that making out with anyone over 60 is like making out with a corpse... then again, maybe those Zombie jokes I keep making aren´t just jokes after all...
Angelina Jolie said that she was no longer a lesbian, (or bisexual, to be precise), http://www.magamba.com/index~i~2843.htm which wasn´t all that exciting until her ex lesbian lover, the sexy Japanese model Jenny Shimizu came out of the woodwork to say what an excellent lover Angelina really was.
Lindsay Lohan was cloistered away in rehab, so she couldn´t get up to much. Then news broke that she had to clean her own toilet and we all had a good laugh before stopping caring once more.
And finally, to end on a high note, Jessica Biel promised to get naked in her next movie, ´Powder Blue´ the tale of a stripper who gets naked, for all the right reasons. (For the care of her terminally ill child of course, god, SO cliched, but hey, we´re going to be able to see Jessica´s tits and ass, its right there in her contract!) Yes, it´s very exciting, there´s nothing like seeing a talented actress whore herself for ´art´.
And that was it for this week in Hollywood, celebrate good times, it was a Paris free week! (Until just then, but that was barely a mention and doesn´t count.)
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