Life Sucks
Article by Hope Alexander
September 25 2007. Article viewed 4872 times.
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At Least Itīs Not Ebola: A New Way Of Living
So youīre feeling depressed, a bit down. Nothing is as you thought it would be, your jobīs not as fufiling as they made it out to be when you applied, your significant other isnīt as hot as youīd imagined she would be when you were a kid, maybe you canīt even get a significant other.
Maybe your love life is a string of insignificant others, bringing with them moments of pleasure mired in hours of a sick self loathing feeling. Maybe you canīt get anyone at all. Maybe youīre wondering how to make the car payment this month. Maybe you donīt even have a car. There are so many reasons to be pissed off and upset about the world and your life in particular that sometimes it is hard to know even where to start.
The only glimmer of hope on the horizon is that there are other people out there whose life sucks even more than yours. No matter how bad you have it, there is always going to be someone out there who has it worse.
If you were feeling down about your life today, just think about other things that could be going wrong right now. Think about other circumstances you could have been accidentally born into, and feel that mix of guilt and schadenfreude flow through your veins, a totally free and non addictive, drug free way to anti your depression.
In case you canīt think of something, let me help you out with a suggestion: Ebola.
Ebola Really Sucks
If Steve at the office is giving you a hard time today, and your wife is insisting on cooking tasteless low fat meals with extra fibre thanks to that asshole doctor who keeps yammering on about colonics on īOprahī, just sit back for a moment and think about what it would be like to weep blood and have the surface of your tongue slough off as you vomit up the lining of your windpipe as well as dead parts of your stomach, and thatīs just the parts of Ebola I could mention without throwing up my own breakfast toast that I ate this morning. Oh my god EW.
At Least Itīs Not Ebola
No matter what happens, unless of course, you catch Ebola, you can always smile cheerfully and say At least itīs not Ebola. Now if you insist on being a total tosser and going and licking people in African countries, then this mantra may not work out for you all that well. It may also lead to you having several topless wives and having to herd cattle for the rest of your days, which isnīt nearly as much fun as it sounds.
ALINE needs to become your mantra, your favorite little acronym, something to get you through the sucky times when life seems hard and people seem determined to screw you over. Thereīs always that little ace in your sleeve, that last piece of good fortune. Your insides are not liquefying and dying whilst youīre still alive, and that has to be something in the plus column.
Life is all about relativity after all, and relatively speaking, there is not much that sucks more than Ebola. So quit yer whining.
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