Living With Stupid
Article by Magamba
September 12 2007. Article viewed 5637 times.
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If you ever loose your train of thought mid sentence, or find yourself staring blankly when someone is speaking plain English to you without any of the big words, or if youīve destroyed the same household appliance more than once by sticking metal inside it, then like many other people on the planet, youīre a bit bloody stupid.
The good news is, its not your fault. Just like the people who kill other people because they were feeling angry, or the kids who donīt pay attention in class, being stupid is not something you should be ashamed of. We canīt all be smart, and we wouldnīt want it that way. Democracy would completely not appear to work whatsoever if everyone actually understood what was going on. (HINT: Itīs no better than a monarchy guys, except they make you go out and push levers every few years in addition to taking most of your crops and making you live in hovels.)
The world requires stupid people to keep turning, and it requires them in vast droves. Odds are, if youīre reading this article, youīre stupid. If youīre reading this article its a minor miracle as I too, am stupid and often forget what the hell is going on and wander off to play some Tetris.
However, Iīm still sitting here typing, and we must assume that someone is still reading, so on we plough. Like any group, the first part of dealing with the issues that face the wider stupid community is to come together under a flag.
Iīm thinking something that eloquently expresses the problem, whilst celebrating it. Possible mascots to display on the flag would be Bulls inseminating rubber tubes, people running from Bulls, or perhaps George W. No, thereīs no obvious link between the three, but in later years analysts will pour over that sentence and argue amongst themselves until tea time about what it all might mean. What jolly good fun, and tea does sound rather nice. Shall we stop for some?
Now everyone has their tasty beverage, we are ready to tackle the next step, which is getting a leader, someone who is not afraid to stand up and act retarded without any excuse of a real disability. Oh god, itīs just too easy. [Insert name of American President here].
The scary thing is, the further we delve into this issue, the more and more we will realize that George has in fact already achieved for us all, paved the way. He is the Rosa Parks of the stupid, and may we all be very grateful to him, for if he can do it, we all know we can. It does help to be born into a ridiculosly wealthy family and be the son of a previous president, but these are exactly the type of advantages all stupid people should be pushing for.
Demand that the coffee comes with a little cap to remind you that itīs hot. Blame poor vessel design if you toss it all over yourself. You have a right to be protected, and if one plastic bag doesnīt warn you not to tape it around your head, then by god, someoneīs trying to kill you!
Weīve been very flippant about this whole issue so far, but the facts are that this is a serious issue for many across the globe. Stupidity can strike anywhere, any time. No family is immune, no race is excepted.
Tragically, it can be difficult to tell stupidity until a child has reached puberty, or perhaps adulthood. Some signs of stupidity are:
Willingness to eat poison.
Fascination with heights, sharp objects and flame.
Inability to walk. (Big clue, that one.)
Difficulty forming sentences.
Of course, all of these symptoms are very similar to the signs that someone is wasted off their ass. Life is so cruel like that. The same way a harmless fly emulates the coloring of a stinging wasp, the stupid and intelligent are mixed together, willy nilly, buzzing about with only the wildest chance of being discovered.
This is why it is so important to take action. Identify yourself as one of the chosen stupid. Show your solidarity and support for the cause. Wear that Iīm with Stupid T-shirt with pride, just make sure the arrow points up. If someone calls you a fucking idiot, claim that with pride. Iīm here, Iīm a fucking moron, live with it! What a catch cry. You can be stupid and empowered, and no, you donīt HAVE to get off the couch to do so if you donīt want to.
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