Heroes of the 80īs
The Era Of The Real Man
Article by Hope Alexander
December 15 2007. Article viewed 6543 times.
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Living through the 80īs, it was easy to miss the importance of the time we lived in. Confused by fluffy hair, bright fluorescent colors, and synthesizer music, most of us took the manliness of the men of that time for granted. Now we live in the future. The year 2000 has come and gone and for some reason left us without the plethora of manly role models that defined the 80īs with their magnificence. Never fear though. If youīre looking for a powerful, kick ass role model that would have ground up all these 21st Century metrosexuals and fried them in their own ass juice, look no further than this list.
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was once much, much more than a total gym salesman, he was the ultimate man. When Chuck Norris wore jeans, they werenīt just jeans, they were Action Pants. Chuck Norris redefined what it meant to be a man. A real man could have a naffy beard and wear checkered shirts all he wanted, just so long as he had a roundhouse kick that could send the moon spinning into the sun.
Hereīs just a few fun facts about Chuck Norris. There are many of these out there, and I think itīs fair to say that they only scratch the surface of the awesomeness that is Chuck.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norrisī tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris doesnīt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
From humble beginnings lifting weights, Arnold Schwarzenegger became the Governor of California. In between he was Mr Olympia (the title that comes with being the best body builder in the world) seven times, and graced movie screens as the Terminator. In spite of a history of womanizing, sexual harassment of the fairer sex, and the fact that he used anabolic steroids back when they were still legal, Arnold is nevertheless a legend in his time.
A veteran of many anti drug campaigns in the 80īs and 90īs, he may have actually found a way to combat drugs once and for all. Governor Arnie was recently quoted as saying Weed isnīt a drug, itīs a plant. Which is true. In much the same way cocaine isnīt a drug, itīs a powder. Man, using Arnieīs tactics we could entirely wipe out all drugs in about one hour of creative naming.
Mr T
Mr T pitied the fool, wore a Mohawk, and had his own set of commandments for kids, which he released in the popular album īMr Tīs Commandments For Kidsī. Normally this would be blasphemy and the church would get all up in someoneīs face who tried that shit, but this was Mr T, and no sucka messed with Mr T. Mr T didnīt have no time for jibba jabba anyway. He dedicated his life to teaching suckas lessons, and drinking milk. Oh hell yeah, Mr T loved drinking milk, and looking out for little kids. Crossing Mr T made you a sucka, and a fool, and he totally pitied you before he pounded you into the ground.
I pity the fool, thug, or soul who tries to take over the world... Said Mr T, but these days instead of fighting the suckas that are trying to take over the world, Mr T makes WoW commercials and attends wrestling fan events.
The greats of the 80īs have headed into political and advertising retirement, and have been replaced by boy bands, organic cooking, and reality television. I pity us fools.
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