30 Signs It´s Time To Break Up With Your Girlfriend
Article by Hope Alexander
January 08 2008. Article viewed 20457 times.
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The course of true love never runs smooth, this we all know, and it is tempting to try and work things out with a partner, especially one that lets you do that thing you like to do in bed, but sometimes, in spite of even the nastiest sexual favors, you just have to admit to yourself that it is time to stop trying in a relationship, pull the plug and move on. Have you reached that point? Here are some of the signs that it´s time to lose the girl.
1. Not only does she call the wrong name out when you´re making love, it´s a different name every time.
2. The morning coffee she makes you is starting to taste funny, and you´re starting to throw up an awful lot more than you used to.
3. When you wake up in the morning and see her sleeping next to you, you have to fight the urge to push her out of bed.
4. When you wake up in the morning and see her sleeping next to you, you have to fight the urge to push her out the window.
5. When you wake up in the morning and see her sleeping next to you, you have to fight the urge to throw yourself out the window.
6. Her womanly scent makes you throw up in your mouth a little bit.
7. You fight all the time, to the extent that the neibours call the police when its quiet, assuming that one of you must have finally killed the other one.
8. You buy each other presents for fun things like unique chances to swim with pirahnas, or experience the world of sharks without the restrictions of a cage.
9. You used to fight about who was going to hang up the phone first, now it´s just a race to see who can hang up on who the quickest.
10. The terms of endearment you´ve chosen for one another are made up of curse words strung together to form innovative new words.
11. She´s always ´accidentally´ dropping her hairdryer in the bath whilst you´re in it.
12. You go to see seperate movies, go on seperate holidays, and sleep with seperate people.
13. The only sex you ever have is make up sex, which often deteriorates into bloody violence before either of you have a chance to cum.
14. Her preferred method of conflict resolution is to burn things.
15. She suddenly renews your life insurance for several million, then suggests that you take a holiday somewhere nice, like the south of Iraq.
16. The spider she asks you to kill in the bathtub turns out to be a tarantula – and 300 of his closest spider friends.
17. When it comes time to introduce her to your boss you can´t remember her first name because you´ve mentally been referring to her as ´bitch´ for so long.
18. Nowadays you leave the toilet seat up and forget to flush on purpose.
19. So does she.
20. All your sentences now end with “so leave me then”
21. You catch her making eyes at your brother at the family get together.
22. You catch her making eyes at you brother´s dog at the family get together.
23. You play fun, light hearted practical jokes on one another, like barricading each other in the walk in freezer, tampering with the gas to cause a slow leak, or sawing through one another´s brake lines.
24. She throws out, deletes, and/or burns your entire porn collection.
25. She takes you on what was supposed to be a romantic holiday, but ends up being the Jerry Springer Show, where she reveals that she´s been having intimate affairs with your brother, your boss, your mother, and her half brother, Billy Joe.
26. Her idea of dirty talk is asking you why you haven´t taken the trash out yet.
27. You find yourself doing things just to annoy her, like putting adders in her bed.
28. You´re tempted when the 300lb lady at the gas station propositions you.
29. You´re tempted when the 300lb man at the gas station propositions you.
And finally...
30. You both respond to intruiging personal profiles, leading to a brief but intense cyber affair, only to realise upon your first RL meeting that you´ve been speaking with one another all along, which leads to you romantically falling in hate all over again.
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