Signs Your Girlfriend Is PMSing
Article by Hope Alexander
January 28 2008. Article viewed 12972 times.
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PMS isn´t hot, it´s the ugly downside to all those lovely boobies you´re ogling at the moment. The prime directive of manhood is to attain boobies, and if at all, keep them nearby at all times. PMS can destroy your hopes of happy If you ever want to hold on to a pair of those things for more than a month, then you´re going to want to know these signs guys, because they could conceivably one day save your life.
Her face is looking anywhere from 5- 10% puffier than usual, her stomach is 50% more rounded, and her eyes are about 90% more demonic.
You wake up in the morning, you´re in bed, she´s gone, and your penis is lying in a remote ditch somewhere. (To be fair, if things got this far, you probably should have read this article a while ago.)
You wake up in the middle of the night, the television is on, and she´s crying whilst watching infomercials. When you ask what´s wrong she screams and throws a box of tissues at you for interrupting her private time.
You find yourself accepting invitations to events you would normally never consider attending, just to get out of the house. In the last week alone you´ve attended an AA meeting even though you´re not an alcoholic, an investment seminar even though you can´t count past 5, and a knitting circle filled with post menopausal women.
A wet towel left on the floor takes on a similar significance to the erecting of the Berlin wall. Weeping wailing, and hysterical shouting ensues.
Her solution to any problem, large or small, becomes to burn things. If you´re not careful, this can also apply to larger objects, like your house.
She violently attacks you with a heavy object, only to break down crying mid swing and confess her undying love.
The frequency of the nefarious “Am I fat?” question increases. Clothing is purchased and discarded almost immediately. Socializing wanes because there is nothing to fit her gross, huge, leviathan ass. She will say these things no matter if she is 90 or 900 pounds.
Ordinarily, being caught looking at another woman would earn you a dirty look. During PMS times, this becomes a public scream fest of “You want her, don´t you, I know you do, why don´t you just go FUCK her,” or words to that effect. During really bad times, this can occur in any place at all, including shopping centers, parking lots, and movie theaters. If it occurs in the latter location, don´t even bother trying to explain that you´re watching the movie and not secretly lusting after the lead actress, in these cases it is considered socially acceptable to gag her and drag her out kicking and screaming. When on the street you should always, and I do mean always wear sunglasses when she is in this state of affairs, as even the most casual glance at a member of the fairer sex can result in a hellish tantrum.
Be on your guard and learn the signs. If you make it past the first month and you still wish to continue the relationship, then take careful note of the dates that the madness occurred. Keep these dates in mind when scheduling things like business trips, and accidents requiring several days of hospitalization.
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