Death By Breasts
Article by Hope Alexander
February 04 2008. Article viewed 51861 times.
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So you think you like big boobs? Well they´re more dangerous than you think, my friend. Boobies can be nice, but they can be dangerous, even lethal in the wrong circumstances. Though it sounds like the stuff of nightmares, there are boobies out there big enough to kill a man. Don´t believe me? Read on.
Chesty Morgan, the polish star of 50´s porn, shot to fame in the erotic film world after movies were made of her smothering men with her natural FF breasts. That´s right, natural, eat your heart out modern plastic surgery, at one time we could produce women who could naturally nurse an entire village. Her measurements were an impressive 73 – 32 – 36, and her first movie was called “Deadly Weapons” and featured the tag line “Watch the mob get busted when Chesty takes her revenge.”
The story line is fairly formulaic, mob kills man, broken hearted woman swears revenge and goes on a rampage of smothering murders, where she paralyzes the foolish mobsters with a laced beverage, then takes off her top and smothers them to death between her breasts of doom.
In her next movie, “Double Agent 73”, Chesty (now an agent named Jane Tennay) carries out yet another breast related assassination, this time by covering her breasts in poison and sneaking into the bed chamber of the mark. Like any man, the guy immediately starts fondling and licking her breasts, assuming that if they´re in his bed, they must be his to play with. This is of course, a fatal error, and he is quickly sent to his grave by the cold hearted, big chested assassin.
That was of course, fiction, as far as we know, Chesty Morgan never actually killed a man with her breasts, but other women have. In Geneva, a bachelor by the name of Daniel Greene, who was celebrating his impending nuptials by having a stag party, died after being smothered by a woman sporting a pair of 72 DD´s. The stripper, who went by the name of Kandy Kane accidentally killed him when she performed a sensual dance and then smooshed his face between her voluminous breasts in the commonly accepted style of strippers around the globe.
People who were witness to the death said that the man did start waving his arms around, but they assumed that was just because he was having a great time. It was only when he went limp and was plucked from the stripper´s breasts that people realized they had been witness to death by boobies. Exactly why he failed to push the woman away when her breasts started to cut off his oxygen supply is not known, a secret he took with him to his grave.
So, there you have it, breasts can indeed kill a man if he over exposes himself to their soft fleshy magnificence, and if he is distracted enough by them to forget to breathe, or to push the twin killers off him, then he may very well simply attempt to inhale the breasts, and die of suffocation. Fortunately this was an isolated incident, so breasts do not yet have to be marked with a “Do Not Place Over Head And Inhale” warning. At the moment it is considered sufficient that women everywhere are advised to be careful when cutting off men´s oxygen supply with their breasts, as this can lead to further brain damage and death.
Breasts are lethal weapons – handle with extreme care.
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