Subway Sandwich Guy Jared Is An Ex Porn King
Article by Hope Alexander
March 05 2008. Article viewed 1632 times.
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This is the best story ever, via Hollyscoop.com. It turns out that smug bastard Jared who lost all that weight by eating sandwiches and probably running away from people who wanted to kick his ass, used to be a minor Porn King when he was at college. According to reports, Jared used to have a large selection of porn tapes in his bedroom, which he would rent out for a dollar each.
Also according to Jared, the only reason he even went to Subway in the first place was because he happened to live above a store, and had a creepy infatuation with one of the girls that worked there.
So basically, Subway´s success story is actually the tale of a lard ass who couldn´t get laid and was too lazy to do anything but roll down the stars to Subway and drool over some girl who probably would have maced him with extra cheese if he ever tried to touch her.
Was it really Subway sandwiches that made him loose the weight? Or was it actually furious masturbation?
(Extra points go to Hollyscoop for the use of the phrase ´his dirty past is coming back to bite him in his skinny fat ass.´)
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