Hate Your Job?
Article by Hope Alexander
April 24 2007. Article viewed 1272 times.
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Jobs To Make YOURS Look Great!
Everyone hates their job, well not EVERYONE, but I´d estimate that at any given time, upwards of 70% of people in the western world hate their jobs. Unfortunately this is a bit exclusionary because yeah, we´re excluding the East and Africa, but I think you can assume that most of the people there are too scared to hate their jobs due to totalitarian regimes, death squads, and things of that nature.
You on the other hand probably don´t have to worry about imminent death from government funded squads, dying of hunger, or catching AIDS because some guy thinks that sleeping with you will cure him. These factors allow your inner sense of dissatisfaction to fall squarely upon your job.
If you thought your job sucked though, try these on for size, culled from modern times, and throughout history, let them horrify and motivate you to climb that ladder as quickly as possible.
Poultry Processor
There are three main quivers to the poultry processor´s bow, catching, beheading, and gutting. If this sounds like a fun way to spend your day, then you should probably wander along to your local psychologists for a wee chat and a shot of something.
Of course, it´s not quite as simple as I´ve made it out to be, see, it´s not just about catching and killing from the comfort of say, bed, no, you get to stand in a massive factory, surrounded by the sounds and smells of death while you try not to slip up on a floor covered with blood and fecal matter. You´re not allowed to take a break to go to the bathroom because, well, those chickens aren´t going to slaughter and gut themselves now are they?
Being a poultry processor also allows for palatial dwellings on-site, a trailer to call your own, paid for out of your pay check before you even see it, which is nice. Your company makes money out of you two ways, in rent, and in chicken killing, which makes the guys running these places smarter than those work house masters in Oliver Twist´s time.
Ass Wiper
Now, back in the olden days (which is the period of time just before yore, but after ´a long long time ago´) men were real men, women were real women, and Kings did not wipe their own asses. In fact, crazy Henry the Eighth actually had a guy to to it for him. The impressive title for this undoubtedly awesome job was “Groom Of The Stool.” The Groom of the stool would make sure that the King´s posterior was clean after every excretement.
For those of you who are poo related history buffs, the material used to ensure total cleanliness of the King´s bottom was a piece of linen, carefully patterned, and shaped in the form of a diamond. The name for this piece of equipment was a “diper.” Hence the use of the term “diaper” in modern times.
Of course, if you really do like this sort of thing, it is possible to get employment in related fields to this day. Child care and caring for the elderly both offer a wide scope for this sort of thing. However, I doubt either of those really compare to wiping the ass of a fully coherent and able bodied man who just doesn´t want to touch it himself.
This might be a custom that CEO´s could think of introducing, but fear not yer cubicle dwellers, historically this was no job for a common man, only the closest of the King´s courtiers was allowed access to the Royal hindquarters. This would give a whole new meaning to “Lower Management.” Hey, they have their noses up there anyway, they´d probably welcome the opportunity to make sure that it´s clean.
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