Pornstars for President
Part one
Article by Hope Alexander
May 08 2007. Article viewed 3963 times.
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Who becomes President of the United States of America isnīt just an issue for Americans. Their choice of President grossly impacts the entire world. Australia has to know what kind of anus it needs to be crawling up, Middle Eastern countries need to know whether to threaten nuclear war, or just jack the price of oil up again, the UK needs to know who it will be climbing into bed with, and France needs to start working on disdain for an entirely new person.
Another major US Election is coming up soon, and this time around instead of having two old white guys battling for supremacy, we now have a token black guy and a token women making a run for the presidential seat whilst the old white man majority laughs uprorously and puts an independent popsicle stick up as a candidate, knowing full well that the majority of US is made up of traditionalists (ie, racist redneck lunatics), who still believe that women belong in the kitchen and black people were lucky to have gotten a free boat ride into the country.
However we should not give up hope for change. There is a small percentage of the population that has been privy to the most intimate machinations of the old boys club. There is a select group of people who may yet hold the key to greater freedom for the US and the globe. These are the pornstars, the strippers, the escorts, and the prostitutes. These are the people who have spent their lives in the trenches and drawers of the old guard, and these are the people with perhaps the greatest profile in America today.
Thus an independent porn star candidate may just have what it takes to win the US Presidency, and lead the world into a new golden age of politics. Thatīs what Iīm hoping anyway.
But are porn stars capable of the hard work that the Presidential office requires, you ask. Of course they are. Porn stars are no stranger to hard work. The gruelling schedule of a porn star is no less difficult than the schedule of the President, and when the porn star becomes the President, she will no doubt find that many of the Presidential perks feel more like work than play anyway.
After all, when youīve had several hundred people go down on you, that cute intern hovering around your midriff starts to look well, a little passee. Thus, unlike other presidents, the porn star is unlikely to suffer the amorous distractions of office. This but scrapes the surface of the many excellent qualities a porn star would bring to office. Consider these further advantages if you will.
Firstly, porn stars make great diplomats. It is true. Variety is the spice of life when youīre a porn star, and though there may be many languages, everyone understands the language of physical love. Though her methods may be unorthodox, the porn star president is likely to have unprecedented success in matters of diplomacy world wide.
Porn stars are of course, natural performers, and it is highly likely that the ratings of channels such as C-Span will go through the roof. With the burgeoning numbers of actors and wreslters going into politics, there are likely to be antics like never seen before. Truly, this would be the American dream, with senators being body slammed through tables in the name of healthy debate, not to mention some saucy moments when the President has to bond more closely with her advisors.
Uniting the senate and the country under the flag of desire... itīs a beautiful new dream.
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