 |
Pornstars for President
Part two - The Platform
Article by Hope Alexander
May 12 2007. Article viewed 4473 times.
Add to favorites | Comment on article
Every politician needs a platform, even if they are porn stars. Flashing tits and ass is all very well, but the issues are important too. Donīt make the mistake of thinking that porn stars donīt have opinions, or a valuable stance on the important issues of today. Porn star thinking could revolutionize the way the US Government is run.
Letīs take a look at some of the more prominent aspects of the porn star platform.
Morality
Porn stars have perhaps some of the best moral fiber because they are the least hypocritical of anybody. You wonīt see a porn star condemning sex before marriage and advocating teaching only abstinence as a method of contraception in schools as before going off to have rods stuck down their urethra whilst suspended by shibari rope work from the roof of their office. It just doesnīt happen.
Family Values
Porn stars are notoriously pro family. Porn stars dedicate their lives to keeping families together, allowing for fantasy escapism without actually going out and having an affair. Porn stars also spend a great amount of time educating partners on how to be better lovers.
Education
Nothing is more important than education to a porn star. An emphasis on biology is likely, with additional funding given to sex education, which can only result in a happier society. Who can possibly be against happiness?
Health care
Every porn star knows that health care is imperative to a healthy workforce. Have you ever seen a porno in which the actors appeared ill? No. Thatīs because porn stars take such great care of their health. Contraception is highly likely to become free, and issues such as pharmacists refusing to fill prescriptions for the pill are likely to be taken care of with a good bitch smacking. Abortion will naturally become legal. This will no doubt piss off the bible belt, but theyīll be so busy being overrun by unwanted children who grow up to become cannon fodder for the military, that there will be hardly any time at all to arrange protests.
Religious Issues
A porn star doesnīt get caught up in religious issues, and certainly wouldnīt become the leader of the free world and then reveal that she was leading based on messages she received from a hypothetical god. Hell no. The only religious differences that a porn star recognizes are cut and uncut, and sheīs accepting of all types, lengths and girths.
Environmental Issues
Porn stars are big on the environment, because without it, how would the make outdoor porn? Porn stars have a vested interest in making sure fields stay green, and the beach stays clean. Itīs hard to focus on the cum shot when there are oil soaked penguins flapping around caught in drift nets after all.
The Middle East
Unfortunately, the Middle Eastern situation is unlikely to change greatly, even with a porn star in charge. Will they advocate the withdrawal of troops in Iraq? Sure, but theyīll be equally keen to see immediate reinsertion, as well as more interesting positioning. The Middle East would no doubt continue to receive a very long, hard reaming at the hands of a porn star lead government. The only difference is that they very well might come to enjoy it.
 |
Rate this article
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
Would You Pay For Porn Online?
45 votes | |
|
|
