Pornstars for President
Part three: The campaign trail
Article by Hope Alexander
May 15 2007. Article viewed 4074 times.
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Most political campaigns are dry boring affairs with dry boring speaches, door knocking, and baby kissing. Let´s face it, most voters can´t be tossed with any of it, and who blames them. Some 50 year old guy turning up on your doorstep to talk taxes is even less interesting than the Jehovah´s Witnesses you have to keep chasing away with the hose.
On the other hand, a busty young lady knocking on the door with a whiter than white smile and a naughty twinkle in her eye is infinitely more likely to ´attract´ voters than any other. It wouldn´t just be babies going in for this kiss either. Having a porn star running for office would undoubtely create an unprecedented closeness between the candidate and her supporters.
In this final part of the porn star series, we look at the porn star on the campagn trail.
Political Pornstar Slogans
A slogan is a campaign essential, and a porn star would have no shortage of catchy and meaningful slogans to choose from, such as:
´Grope for a Vote´ – Encouraging younger voters to take action and become part of the solution.
´Ride This Ass To Congress´ – Perfect for the bible belt, this slogan evokes religious overtones, reminding voters of Jesus´ ride into Jerusalem. Of course, there is also a nicely naughty double entendre for the less purely minded. Which is pretty much everyone in the repressed puritan states.
Fundraising and Advertising
Nothing is easier than fundraising for a porn star, she´s her own product, and instead of paying for advertising to appear on television, she generates her own free publicity that will be dowloaded world wide off the net, Let´s face it, there are a lot of empty spaces in most porn movies where there´s just a lot of grunting and moaning. What a perfect opportunity to announce some policies.
“Oh yeah baby, give it to me, give me those tax cuts for low income familes, oh fuck yeah baby, harder, harder, make it harder for repeat criminals to get parole.”
I bet you´re already aroused and ready to punch a hole in a card just reading that.
Digging Dirt
One of the most damaging things for a presidential candidate to have to deal with is dirt digging. If it turns out that you abandoned your unit in Vietnam to go have sex with monkeys, well, it´s just hard to live that one down. Indescretion has cost moany a candidate their shot at the big time. However it is almost imposible to dig dirt on a pornstar, because all her dirt can be purchased for 14.99, or downloaded for 9.99 per month.
In fact if you go digging on a porn star, all you´re likely to find are good things. Like yeah, she´s been filmed doing double anal penetration at least 20 times, but did you know that she assists the elderly on weekends with meals on wheels?
When you start at the bottom, you can only go up, and there is another advantage that porn stars have over their more straight laced counterparts, they know people.
Sure, Candidate Jones may always have paid his midget hookers in cash, but even if there is no paper trail, you can be sure that a porn star is going to know all his little fetishes and kinks in less time than it takes to shoot a scene with two guys, two girls, and a donkey.
Pornstars, the stealthy, sexy underdogs of the campaign trail.
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