Heidi Montag Is Getting Nailed
Article by Hope Alexander
July 07 2008. Article viewed 13155 times.
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To a metaphorical cross, that is! Heidi Montag spoke to USA Today recently, sharing her trials and tribulations, and explaining how, just like Jesus, she is the subject of terrible persecution. Heidi revealed: There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and Iīm going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesnīt matter to me.
Yeah Heidi, because in between founding a major world religion and being tortured and executed, Jesus was all about the sex tapes, Iīm sure he totally feels your pain. After all, Jesus liked nothing better than to kick back and watch whores with a big fake boobies bouncing around the shores of the Red Sea.
As attempts to cash in on the Christian dollar go, this is pretty lame, but Heidi claims that her faith is real: īI have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God.ī Sweet Heidi, because God always calls his children to spend their lives buying gun stashes and whoring themselves out on public television. Heīs super proud right now.
  
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